After their party is attacked and decimated by first bandits and then a mysterious creature, William and Tovar find themselves prisoners of the Nameless Order - a Chinese military unit charged with guarding the Great Wall that stretches across the country. Damon stars as William Garin, who along with his sidekick Tovar (Pedro Pascal), is searching in ancient China for the “black powder” that can be used to make all kinds of cool weapons and is thus a valuable commodity. It took six writers (three with screenplay credit and three with story credit), including talented folks like Tony Gilroy and Max Brooks, to cobble this generic would-be blockbuster together. Questions like these usually pop up in my mind when a film is not working and I start getting distracted by plot holes and such, and in the case of The Great Wall - an American/Chinese co-production with very little vision apparent from either side - I not only began pondering the increasingly ludicrous story, but also things outside the movie, such as whether I had left my glasses in the car and how much time I should give myself the next morning to make my Logan screening. One thing kept bothering me while I was watching The Great Wall, an expensive historical fantasy starring Matt Damon as a European trader who helps a Chinese army fight off a massive horde of monsters: the Wall is 5,500 miles long, so instead of trying to breach it right where the Chinese battalions are stationed, why not go a few miles down the road and climb over it there?

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